


same love different doses (same love different focus)

by salrob (hanbrough)



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone is LGBT, F/M, Getting Back Together, Lovers to Friends to Lovers, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24317164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanbrough/pseuds/salrob
Summary: The truth is, he doesn't really like who he is right now, how angry or sad he feels all the time, so he can't really expect Nini to like him either. She'd always had big dreams for the both of them while Ricky had only flippantly tagged along, but he could be doing something more and Nini had seen it.In a weird way, being dumped by Nini Salazar-Roberts is the best thing that ever happened to him. Yeah, he still finds himself wishing he could kiss her, or even just see her, but it makes him realize what he really wants is to be the sort of person Nini Salazar-Roberts wouldn't leave behind in the first place.--or, a semi-canon/canon divergent universe where the first rini breakup happens after the show, and nini leaves to go to the YAC. ricky has a lot of time on his hands to reflect.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	same love different doses (same love different focus)

**Author's Note:**

> some notes:
> 
> -inspired by an old bellarke au i still think abt a lot  
> -ej and ashlyn are, again, not cousins  
> -cw for underage drinking  
> -nobody in this is straight i said what i said  
> -both ricky bowen and nini salrob deserve the world and to be loved thanks for coming to my ted talk

Nini breaks up with him on a Friday in June and he hates her for it. She broke his heart. The only consolation is that she's leaving for the Youth Actors Conservatory that weekend, so he won't have to see her around. But it still kinda sucks because, well, she's the one who broke up with him, and he still thinks of her like an extension to his body. Even worse, Gina is on her side. She takes one look at Ricky, sprawled on the couch and staring up at the ceiling, and says,

“Honestly, it can't have been a surprise.”

Ricky sits up, glaring balefully at his friend. “We’d talked about long distance.”

Gina raises an eyebrow. “You think that's why she broke up with you?”

He’s inclined to say yes - he can't think of why it shouldn't be (he’s in denial, let him be, okay?), so he just ends up repeating himself.

“We talked about long distance.”

“Yeah,” Gina says, “Before you couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ back to her.”

And Ricky knows he messed up with the whole ‘I love you’ fiasco. He knows, because Nini's the first person he's ever bothered to try for. And God, how she made him want to try, with her soft smiles and the way she looked at him like he was something good. Like he was someone better than the person he actually is. But, the truth is, he was always breaking his promises and accidentally hurting her (he’s spent way too many nights anxiously staring at his unanswered texts, hoping Nini would forgive him the next morning), and she hadn't broken up with him until now, so it had to be about the distance, right?

Gina sighs. “She got tired, Ricky.”

“Of what?” he asks, and then wishes he hadn't because he's pretty sure the answer to that question is _of you_.

“Of everything being so hard, obviously. It shouldn't have been that hard, but she loved you, so she kept trying. But you never really did, so she got tired and she gave up.” Gina shrugs like she hadn't just dropped a bomb over Ricky’s perspective of the relationship.

Ricky can't really think of an adequate response, so he just lays back down on the couch, wishing he could sink into the floor. 

\--

He thinks about ~~it~~ her a lot senior year, partly because he misses her and partly because he seems to be the only one who hadn’t seen it coming. When he mentions their break up to the rest of their friend group, nobody actually looks surprised. They seem to all have mastered the same expression, which is a mix of sympathy and condescension, like they pity him for thinking he and Nini would’ve lasted. He knows that part of it was because they were a high school couple, and high school couples don’t survive graduation often, but it’s more than that.

So Ricky ends up spending more time than he should analyzing why they hadn’t worked out, and why it had blindsided him when she left. The thing is, Ricky has always had relationship issues. Nini had even been there when the fights (and later, the excruciating silence) started; she knew firsthand how much his parents’ relationship problems affected his view of love. 

But, he supposes, he can’t fault her for reaching a breaking point, when he couldn’t even utter a simple three word phrase back to her even though she deserved to hear it. She deserved a lot of things, Ricky thinks. Although he’s still a little mad at her, because it still hurts, and it's easier to just blindly blame her for his pain. 

The truth is, he doesn't really like who he is right now, how angry or sad he feels all the time, so he can't really expect Nini to like him either. She'd always had big dreams for the both of them while Ricky had only flippantly tagged along, but he could be doing something more and Nini had seen it.

In a weird way, being dumped by Nini Salazar-Roberts is the best thing that ever happened to him. Yeah, he still finds himself wishing he could kiss her, or even just see her, but it makes him realize what he really wants is to be the sort of person Nini Salazar-Roberts wouldn't leave behind in the first place.

Meanwhile, college application season comes and goes. The school that gives him the best scholarships is all the way on the East Coast, and he puts down his deposit without a second thought. If anything, he’ll never have to see his parents, particularly his mom, around again.

College is a lot different from high school, but Ricky finds that he doesn’t really mind. In fact, he actually kind of likes it. Here, he can start fresh, where the people around him have no clue that he spent the first five months after Nini broke up with him writing sad, angsty poetry (Hey, he’s not about to claim he handled the situation well.)

Here, he can also come to terms with the fact that he's always going to love Nini Salazar-Roberts. And it's not some weird coping mechanism that Gina thinks it is - he knows that the Nini chapter in his life is over and that's okay, but she was the first girl he ever loved and he'd definitely never be here without her, so yeah, he still loves her. It's just a part of him now, like the fact that he hates pineapple on pizza or that his hair will always be curly. He's doing okay on the romance front, too. He's dated a couple of girls (and boys!) since the semester started and nothing has really stuck, but he feels good about his choices, himself, and the feeling he could actually be a good boyfriend if he found someone permanent. He's not in any sort of hurry.

So when it’s the first day of second semester and he literally runs into Nini on the sidewalk three blocks from his apartment, it's safe to say he's a little thrown. To be fair, she looks just as surprised as he is, lips parted, eyes wide. They both just sort of stand there in silence for a few seconds, before Ricky manages to regain his voice.

“Hey,” he says, and wonders if there's protocol for running into your ex-girlfriend and first love, who you haven't seen in one and a half years.

“Hey.” Nini finally gets out.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, wincing a little at how transparent and awkward and maybe a little accusatory it sounds.

Nini’s shock shifts to something a little hostile, and she raises an eyebrow. “I go here,” she responds coolly. 

“Small world.” Ricky gestures, at a loss for what to say next. 

“Yeah.” Nini’s demeanor shifts again, and then she’s just standing there, awkwardly playing with the zipper on her jacket. That body language, at least, is something that's familiar to him - Nini folding in on herself, putting up walls. He hadn't realized he remembered those details about her.

“Anyways,” Nini clears her throat, breaking the silence, “I didn’t know you go here, too.”

Ricky shrugs. “Good scholarships. And it’s far away from Salt Lake.”

A look he can’t fully decipher flashes in her eyes, but it’s gone before he can think on it any longer. “What are you studying?”

“Psychology,” he tells her. “I’m trying to become a guidance counselor. So I can help people, and they don’t have to go through what I did.”

Nini’s soft “Ricky” seems to involuntarily escape her lips, and he’s almost overwhelmed with the sensation of hearing her say his name for the first time in over a year. He may have changed a lot in their time apart, but there are still so many things she knows about him that remain true and constant.

Ricky’s gathering the courage to ask her some questions of his own when her phone begins pinging furiously. She pulls it out of her back pocket and he watches her face go from surprised to annoyed to resigned.

“Sorry.” Nini gives him a tentative smile and he wants nothing more to earn a real one from her, bright and shining like he remembers. “I gotta go.”

“Right.” Internally, he tells himself not to shuffle awkwardly or say anything he'll regret. “I should go, too.” 

“It was good to see you,” Nini says, but it's the voice she uses for niceties and he sees right through it. That, at least, hasn't changed.

“You too.” They start to move past each other, her going one way, him the other. Ricky’s taken a mere five steps before his feet bring him to a halt. He should keep walking, keep moving. He's been doing well and dragging up old shit with Nini is probably not worth it. He turns around.

“Nini!”

She turns to face him slowly, a strange expression on her face.

“If you ever need any….advice, you should call me. My number's the same.” _Advice?_ He berates himself in his mind. What advice could she possibly want from him? But he keeps his gaze steady until he sees her nod, and then continues on his way home, trying to pretend his heart isn’t racing a mile a minute.

\--

Ricky had meant it when he'd told Nini she could call, but he hadn't really expected her to. And the first time she does, it's clear that it’s pretty much out of necessity. The call comes in at 2 in the morning, when he should be sleeping but instead he’s studying for an exam that’s the next day. When he looks down at his phone to see Nini’s name, his heart just kind of stops; he nearly misses the call in pure shock. 

“Hello?” He blurts out, clearing his throat. 

“Ricky.” Nini sounds embarrassed, relieved, and a little….afraid?

“What’s up?” he asks lamely, as if it’s normal to get a phone call from her (at 2 AM, no less). 

“I…” he hears her take a deep breath. “Can you come pick me up? Kourtney wanted to go out tonight and I reluctantly agreed but now it’s past midnight and I have no idea where she went. Oh, and,” Nini lowers her voice, “I think there’s someone following me.”

Ricky starts to panic on Nini’s behalf when he thinks of her all alone in the streets this time at night, especially as a woman.

“Okay,” he racks his brain, “can you go inside and give me an address? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thank you,” Nini says gratefully, and even over the phone, he can hear the sincerity in her voice. “I’ll text you the location.” Then, the call disconnects.

It’s a good thing she ended up calling Ricky, because he’s the only one he knows who actually owns a car in New York. He gets to the address she’s sent him in fifteen minutes, and a wave of relief washes over him when he sees that she’s alive - fine, even. 

“Thanks again,” Nini says as she buckles her seatbelt.

“No problem,” Ricky shrugs awkwardly. He’s starting to panic again, only this time at the prospect of having a full-on conversation with Nini for the next fifteen minutes. 

It’s silent as he pulls out of his parking space. “Uh,” he finally blurts out, “want to listen to music?”

“Sure.” Nini gives him a small smile, and Ricky jams the power button, startling abruptly when his - their - High School Musical playlist from junior year blasts through the radio. 

“Uh,” he repeats as Nini’s smile widens into a full on grin. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Nini laughs, and begins singing along to _Stick to the Status Quo_. Ricky can’t help but join in, and his own grin settles on his face from her infectious joy.

\--

It's not easy, exactly, after that. It's just... happening. First it's Nini asking Ricky if he can stop by her apartment to fix the toilet, but then it's coffee, and later it's Nini calling him about her Government and Politics homework and it's just happening. He doesn't even realize he's actually friends with Nini until she shows up at his apartment one Wednesday night when he's studying for a big exam just to bring him snacks. It's stupid, because now that he thinks about it, it's pretty clear they've been friends for a while. It's just that he hasn't applied the term “friend” to Nini since he was 15 and trying to get the courage to ask her out.

“How do you know where I live?” he says stupidly. Nini ignores his lack of a proper greeting, rolling her eyes and pushing past him. He follows her, a little dazed, into the kitchen. She's already got his fridge open and is stowing away a large tub of ice cream.

“I asked Big Red. You’d think his job at the ice cream shop next to your place would make him good at picking ice cream flavors, but you’d be wrong.” She dumps the grocery bag out on his kitchen table. It's mostly a ridiculous amount of chocolate and a giant family-sized bag of salt and vinegar chips, his favorite. 

She takes a good look at him for the first time since coming in and her nose scrunches up. “Are you wearing Hello Kitty pajama pants?”

He is. “Gina thought they would be a funny Christmas present,” he defends himself. “I wasn't expecting visitors.”

“Clearly.” Nini tosses a Hershey bar at him, which he only just catches in time, and makes herself comfortable on his couch. He stands in his kitchen for a few moments after her, feeling a little off balance, before following her into the living room and sitting back down in front of his laptop.

She's mostly not distracting, sitting cross legged on his couch, watching TikTok videos on her phone and occasionally reaching for a handful of chips. She's not doing anything loud or annoying, but she's there in his space, like it's a normal everyday thing, and it messes with his head a little bit.

But like it always does, his work starts to absorb him and the next thing he knows Nini's resting a hand on his back as she sets a cup of coffee on the table next to his pile of hastily scribbled notes. He rubs his eyes and gratefully gulps down the coffee, the burning temperature waking him up a little.

“What time is it?” he asks, cracking his shoulders to get some of the stiffness out.

“A little past midnight.”

“Shit, really?” He blinks up at her. “You should go home and get some sleep. Wait, I can take you, it’s not safe-” he tries to stand up, but Nini pushes him back down by his shoulders.

“It's fine. I don't have class on Thursdays.” She disappears into the kitchen and comes back with her own cup of coffee.

“What time’s your first class tomorrow?” Nini asks, after a brief period of silence.

“Not until one.” He should probably try a little harder to convince her to go home, but it's nice to have someone else around.

“Good. You need to get at least eight hours of sleep,” she instructs, her face oddly serious. He's going to give her a hard time about it, but then he remembers a psychology fact he’d forgotten to write down earlier. He shuffles his notes in search of his pen.

Nini leans over and plucks his pen out from behind his ear. “Honestly, Ricky,” she says, handing it to him.

“Thanks,” he mumbles. He glances over at Nini to find her still looking at him.

“What?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “Nothing. You're just... exactly who I always thought you'd be.” She turns back to her phone and leaves him to ponder on what the hell that meant.

\--

Gina finds out about it because Nini posts a photo of him on Facebook. In it, Ricky’s wearing the Hello Kitty pajamas, hunched over his laptop - he hasn’t gotten more than four hours of sleep and it shows. He hadn't realized she'd taken the photo and he would have tried (and likely failed) to stop her from posting it because, well, he'd like to maintain some dignity.

Gina calls him twenty minutes after Nini posts the picture, before he even knows it exists. “What the fuck, Ricky!” 

“Hello to you too.”

“What’s going on?” Gina demands. Ricky hasn’t the slightest idea what she’s talking about.

“What?” He wishes Gina could just get straight to the point.

“Nini Salazar-Roberts!” Gina all but yells into the phone. Ricky's stomach churns.

“How do you know about that?” On second thought, that was a terrible thing to say. He realizes this, even before Gina rolls her eyes (Ricky can’t see her over the phone, but they’ve been friends long enough that he just knows she’s doing so).

“Check Facebook.” He does. He's tagged in the picture and it already has about 50 likes. Ricky almost never goes on Facebook and when he does, he almost never posts anything. The result is that there's only a handful of pictures of him on there, from homecoming and prom, and usually they only get a couple of likes. But this is on Nini's feed, and the number of likes has more than doubled. He sighs. He's seen Nini four times this week and she takes a photo of him the one time he's dressed like a six year old.

“Why are people even liking it? I’m literally a mess,” he complains.

“Ricky.” Gina reprimands.

“I just ran into her, I swear! She goes to school here, too, and it just kind of happened.”

“You ran into her in your Hello Kitty pajamas?” Gina's tone drips with disbelief.

“No, that was a few weeks ago. We're kind of friends now.”

Gina snorts. “You are not.”

“I'm pretty sure we are.”

“You have no clue how to be friends with Nini post-break up, remember? She's Nini.” Ricky hates it when Gina’s voice goes all exasperated and condescending like this. He sighs.

“Yeah, and I got over her, remember?”

“Okay, I'm going to pretend I believe that for a second and move on to the fact that you broke her heart.”

“Look, I know it's hard to believe, but it's fine. We're better now.” And it's true, he realizes. He hadn't really thought about it, but he'd been friends with Nini before, back when they were in high school, and it had never been like this. He thinks it has to do with the fact that they’ve both grown up, in their own ways. (Mostly him.)

He knows the person he was in high school isn't really who he had wanted to be. He'd had a big chip on his shoulder and a tendency to jump first and think later. He hasn't completely gotten rid of either of those things, but they're under control and he's not letting them hold him back anymore.

“I just want you to be careful, Ricky,” Gina says quietly.

“Be careful about what?” he asks, stubborn.

She sighs. “You know exactly what.” And then she hangs up.

\--

Nini and the rest of their friends surprise him with a 19th birthday party. Kourtney even brings over a bottle of champagne, and they take turns sipping from it, revelling in the temporary buzz it gives them. 

Afterwards, when the party ends, Nini offers to stay behind and help clean up. She’s a little tipsy, wobbling back and forth as she sweeps away the confetti from the ground.

“Need a hand?” he asks, half amused and half concerned. He's never actually seen drunk Nini before - she hadn't been real into alcohol back in high school. He had always been pretty sure part of that was that she didn't really like to break rules, but now he's less sure. 

“No,” Nini replies shakily, then promptly drops the broom she’s holding. “Oops.”

Ricky laughs, and after they manage to get most of the cleaning done, Nini lies down in the middle of his living room and refuses to move. He joins her, staring at his ceiling, which is blank save for an old ceiling fan. He's not drunk, not like Nini, but he's a little fuzzier than he'd meant to be.

“I kind of freaked out when I first saw you again,” she says, keeping her gaze on the fan and resolutely not looking at him.

“Yeah, me too.” He'd sort of resigned himself to the fact he was never going to see Nini again, and then there she was. Now, it seems inconceivable that they wouldn't find their way back to each other.

“I was really convinced you'd hate me,” Nini continues, voice quiet.

“Why?” he asks, but he knows why. He'd been pretty messed up when she left him and everyone knew. She probably did too.

“I hate all my exes,” she says.

He elbows her. “Rude.”

“Except you, obviously,” she corrects, smiling.

“Thank you.”

“I'm really bad at relationships, it turns out,” Nini sighs. “Maybe I should’ve appreciated what we had more.”

“We weren't that bad,” he says. In fact, at their best, they were actually kind of great. And they're better now and they'd be even better if- He cuts off his own thoughts. He shouldn’t go there.

“Yeah, I can see that now. But you were my first love and I didn't really have a frame of reference.”

Ricky tenses slightly at the word _love_. “What happened after?”

“EJ.” Nini says his name like it’s a bitter taste in her mouth. “I met him at the YAC. He had big plans to be the next Leo Dicaprio, minus the dating women half his age. And I thought that was great, you know, that he had ambition and drive and wanted to change the world.” She doesn't say it, but Ricky knows that those are all words and traits that definitely didn’t describe him in high school. He can see why EJ would have appealed to her, even if it stings a little to know she'd gone after someone who was his opposite.

“It turned out he was also a cheater,” Nini finishes dully.

“Shit.” Ricky restrains himself from saying any more because he has a feeling that he's way too upset about this - the idea that anyone could ever value Nini so little that they would do that to her.

“And then after EJ, the summer before college, there was Alexis.” Nini doesn’t speak for several moments. “I still don't really know what happened with that. She was just this force and she made me feel special. But then...well, I was about to move for college and she really didn’t like that, even though I already had my life planned out before meeting her. For a week, I even thought about dropping out before the semester even started just to please her. And then she just ghosted me. Blocked me everywhere. I found out through one of her other friends that she moved halfway across the country.”

“Holy shit.”

Nini’s voice is nearly inaudible when she next speaks. “I still feel bad about how I broke up with you.”

“You do?” He sits up to look at her, but she’s looking away from him again and so he lies back down. “Why?”

“I should have done it sooner, and stayed around for the fall out. I kept thinking I could change things.”

“Me, you mean,” he murmurs, because even though she didn’t state it outright, it's what she means. 

“I'm sorry,” she says, voice small.

“I'm not.” It's something he's thought about a lot. “It wasn't your job to fix me, Nini, and I resented you for trying, back then. You were right to break up with me. I didn't appreciate it at the time, obviously, but losing you really put some things in perspective for me. I needed that. But I will let you take the blame for the timing. It really sucked to have to explain it to people and have them look at me all sad and shit.”

Nini sniffs, and he thinks that maybe she's crying, but it feels dangerous to turn his head and look, so he doesn't. He startles, a little, when her hand brushes his, but then her fingers are intertwined with his and her hand is just as small and warm as he remembered.

They fall asleep on the floor and wake up early, both grumbling from the aftereffects of sleeping on a hardwood floor. Ricky stumbles to the kitchen to start up the coffeemaker. Nini follows him and leans on the counter, laughing at his inability to even plug in the damn machine, before she places a hand on the small of his back and he stills.

“Want to go to Denny’s and eat a bunch of pancakes?” she asks, rubbing her eyes and running a hand through her unbrushed hair. 

It's in this moment he realizes that, yes, while there was some part of him that was always going to love her, the girl who had been his first love, there's another, new part of him that loves her all over again, for who she is now. And that part of him can't help but feel hopeful.

\--

Ricky thinks he’s ready to tell her how he feels, ready to try again, when Nini goes and drops a bombshell on him. (Of course she does.)

“Ashlyn asked me out,” she tells him excitedly over coffee, and Ricky promptly chokes on his croissant. “I said yes.”

“Oh,” Ricky tries to not let his heart sink. He fails. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Nini beams, completely oblivious to how she’s just shattered Ricky’s heart into a thousand pieces. “I really like her, Ricky.”

Ricky forces out what he hopes is a convincing smile. “You deserve the best, Neens.”

He can’t really even bring himself to be that upset, seeing Nini’s megawatt smile. 

\--

Gina calls him immediately after Nini officially changes her relationship status on Facebook. 

“Are you okay?” she asks, voice unusually soft. Ricky’s updated her about their friendship over the past few months, and she’s come around, even encouraging him to tell Nini about his feelings.

“Yeah,” Ricky replies, mouth dry. “I mean, it wasn’t meant to be, right? I was her past, Gina. She deserves someone better.”

“You _are_ better,” Gina argues. “You went and fixed your life and Nini saw that and she loves you for it. And you deserve to be loved. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Ricky repeats, coughing awkwardly. “I - thanks, Gina.”

“Anytime,” Gina responds. 

It doesn’t make him feel any better, though.

\--

Ricky knows, realistically, that it’s not as bad as he thinks it is. He’d already gone a year and a half without her - in comparison, this is nothing. It should be nothing. 

But then Nini and Ashlyn start fighting, and Ricky’s there to pick up the pieces. He resents it a little, but it’s Nini, and he and Gina and Big Red and everyone knows he’d drop anything to be there for her. 

Nini calls him one night; when he shows up at her door, she’s crying harder than he’s ever seen her cry, and he knows this is it. 

“Why can’t I find love, Ricky?” she sobs into his shoulder, and he tenderly wraps his arms around her, finding comfort in the fact that her body still fits in his perfectly. “Do I not deserve it?”

“Of course you do,” he reassures her. _You deserve the world_ ; the unspoken words linger on the tip of his tongue. 

Nini pulls away, wiping away the last of her tears. “Sorry that you have to see me like this,” she sniffs. 

Ricky half-heartedly laughs. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he says, and although he hates how miserable she looks right now, he means it. 

“Hey.” Ricky looks up to see Nini’s face much, much closer than he’d expected. For a moment, he thinks she’s about to kiss him, but then she pulls away and the moment passes. “Thank you, really. You’re a good guy, Ricky.”

“I try.” Ricky shrugs, turning away awkwardly. 

“Ricky.” Nini reaches out to cup his face, and all of a sudden, he can’t take his eyes off of her. “I mean it. Seriously. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, and I hope you know that you deserve the best.”

Ricky’s eyes are watering. He clears his throat, and the hope that had gone dormant these past few months comes back to life, ready to ruin him all over again. 

\--

They don't talk about it, but there's a discernible shift after that night. There's a closeness that he hasn't felt with anyone since he dated Nini all those years ago, and this time it's gentler. She leans her head on his shoulder when they study together and he plays with her hair while they're watching Netflix and she kisses his cheek when she leaves. It's like being on the edge of something, but not quite there, and weirdly, it doesn't make him anxious. Nini is his best friend again. This time, loving her is an extension of that, not an alternative.

He thinks about telling her about his feelings a lot. Nini is this beautiful, amazing, caring person and whether or not she loves him back, he knows she’ll always be there. He feels like he should be just honest with her - if he isn't, he'll always wonder what might have happened. He doesn't need her to love him like he loves her, but if she did...

It's easier to think about it than it is to say it. He tries it a couple of times, once when he's baking cookies and she's sitting on the counter, watching him and stealing some of the batter just to annoy him, but it doesn't make it past his lips. Another time, they’re in the middle of a study session, but Nini’s so engrossed in the textbook, lips pursed and brows furrowed, that it doesn’t seem right to break her intense focus. As it is, weeks pass, and he doesn't say anything at all. He's happy. Nini is in his life all the time and that's the best thing that's happened to him in years.

The day he does tell her, he hadn't planned to. They're sitting on his couch and Nini is sketching him, her expert fingers switching from different shades of pencil and her lips pressed together in concentration. She's been getting into drawing recently (with him as her frequent muse), but she never lets him see the results. Usually, she just pokes him frequently as a reminder to stay still.

“We should do one of these when you're wearing your Hello Kitty pajamas,” she tells him, an amused smile on her lips. Nini loves that the picture of him has 104 likes on Facebook. She likes to remind him that it means probably at least twice as many people saw it.

“I didn’t give you permission to draw my legs,” Ricky jokes, nudging her gently. 

Nini elbows him in the ribs and accidentally scrapes his arm with the sharp edge of the pencil. “You're the worst.”

“And yet, you keep asking me to model.”

“I don't think you sitting on the couch eating Oreos really counts as modeling.”

He throws a piece of said Oreo at her, but misses, and it hits the floor. She raises her eyebrows at him, and he throws another piece, just to redeem himself. It hits her in the forehead and the frosting stains slightly. For a moment, nothing happens, but then Nini has dumped her sketchbook on the floor and launched herself at him, pillow in hand. 

He doesn't stand a chance. Nini whacks him several times with the pillow, and then sits back, looking smug.

“Very mature,” he tells her. He looks up, meets her eyes, and with an abruptness that surprises even him, the words just burst out.

“I'm in love with you,” he says.

The few beats of ensuing silence have never been louder. Ricky thinks, for a moment, that she's not going to say anything at all, that she's going to just pretend it never happened. He can live with that, he decides, because he didn't tell her thinking it would be reciprocated. He'd told her because she deserved to know. He's preparing himself for her to change the subject. 

Instead, Nini says,

“I'm in love with you too.”

“Wait, you are?” he asks dumbly. The expression on her face doesn't really look like love, more like hesitation.

“Obviously,” she tells him. “Why did you say it if you didn't think I'd say it back?”

“I just thought I’d be honest.” Ricky’s head spins. She loves him, but he mostly just feels confused. “I mean, I didn’t say it the first time. That’s why you broke up with me, right?”

“I didn't break up with you just because of that,” she says, sounding annoyed and very much like Nini. "I did it because you weren’t ready yet. I never stopped loving you. But you hadn’t found yourself yet, so I left, even if I wanted to be there and help you discover that person. And then I ran into you here and that's...” Her voice hitches. “I ran into you here and found out you were exactly that person now. Of course I fell in love with you all over again.”

“Oh,” is all he says. And then relief and giddiness starts sinking in and he's laughing, gasping for air. Meanwhile, Nini is looking at him like he's crazy and maybe he is.

“What?” she asks, but there's a small smile curling at the corners of her lips.

“You'd just think we'd be better at this by now,” he tells her.

She rolls her eyes. “I have no idea why you’d ever think that,” she responds, and then she kisses him and any rational thought flies out of his head. Kissing Nini Salazar-Roberts feels like coming home. When they pull apart, her cheeks are flushed and his heart feels so full it might burst.

She buries her head in the crook of his neck. “We’re gonna do better this time, aren't we?”

Ricky smiles into her hair. “We can't do any worse.”

Nini swats his arm, but she's laughing, bright and joyful, and he thinks, yeah, they'll do better this time around. They already have.


End file.
